The part of coaching we don’t talk about enough

There’s something incredible about being a coach. We get to watch people grow. We get to witness the moment something clicks. We see women start to understand their patterns, make more intentional choices, and create change in ways that are often… ridiculously simple.

And then there’s the other side. The part we don’t talk about enough.

It’s those moments when you’re supporting someone, cheering her on, watching her step into something better… and then you turn around and catch yourself doing the exact thing you’ve been coaching her to move away from. I know I’m not the only one.

When I was a newer coach 23 years ago, I was a weight loss coach, and I truly believed that every pound I gained, and didn’t lose the next week, made me a failure. Not just a setback. A failure. Because in my mind, I wasn’t being a “good example.” That thinking was brutal. And completely unsustainable.

Today it looks different, but the pattern still tries to sneak in. Now it’s when I look at my desk and see the mess I said I wouldn’t let happen again, or the dishes in the sink I told myself I’d wash during the next commercial… still sitting there. It’s the boxes of photos that are technically organized, in nice boxes, but not in a way that makes scanning easy, so they sit. And then there’s that one drawer of jewelry I keep promising I’ll deal with the next time I’m in the bedroom… except when I’m there, I’m tired, so I don’t.

Different details. Same opportunity.

Because that voice still knows how to show up. “You should have done this already.” “Why can’t you just follow through?” “Seriously?” The exact tone, the exact pressure, just dressed up in a different version of my life.

But here’s what has changed: I don’t believe it the same way anymore. I don’t believe it to mean that I’m a fraud or that I’m failing at what I teach. I recognize it for what it is… a moment. A choice point. A reminder that knowing something and living it are not the same thing, and that practice doesn’t end just because you coach it.

I trust myself more now. I trust that I will come back to what matters. I trust that a messy desk isn’t a character flaw, that leaving the dishes one night doesn’t undo who I am, and that those photos will get dealt with when I decide to actually decide.

And maybe most importantly, I don’t expect myself to do it alone.

Good coaches have coaches. Great coaches have support. And right now, I am so deeply grateful for my coaches, because I know they have coaches too. They understand this. They live this.

If we expect our clients not to figure everything out by themselves, why would we expect that from ourselves?

Right now, the world feels heavy. It’s not always easy to be the light for other people, which is exactly why we have to learn how to be that light for ourselves too. Not perfectly. Not constantly. Just honestly.

So if you’ve been looking at something in your life thinking, “I should have this handled by now…” maybe the next step isn’t handling it. Maybe it’s softening the way you’re talking to yourself about it. That’s where the real shift begins.

And whether you are a coach, a different kind of business owner, or just a woman in the messy middle of it all who wants more clarity and calm in her life… if you live in the Denver area, I’ll be there in June.

I’ll be hosting an in-person workshop. A space to step out of the noise, get honest about what’s actually weighing you down, and start moving forward in a way that feels doable. No pressure. No perfection. Just real support and real momentum.

If you’re interested, send me a DM or reply with “ME!” I’m not sharing all the details publicly just yet, but I’m more than happy to leak them to you.